November 2nd. Zane’s birthday today! It’s 5:19pm and very close to the time of his actual birth give or take an hour or two. Zane becoming 20 today really gives me pause to reflect. But honestly? When aren’t I reflecting about something? To keep it simple I must acknowledge several gratitudes. First that I am fortunate to have Zane living with me presently! Although some of his nocturnal wanderings can give me anxiety! I never know what time he will roll in. The fact that I even have a 20 year old son is noteworthy. As is the fact that we still enjoy each other’s company most of the time. So I am feeling blessed tonight ! I still have vivid memories of the evening he was born. That moment when my life would change forever.Yesterday was the 7 year anniversary of my retirement. Thursday was my last day of my full time critical shortage work on the methane project. These are the simple facts. I am about to write a new chapter of my personal life journey story! And a strange blog post title occurred to me suddenly. A continued introduction to myself in a sense. Sense becomes a key word as this new chapter begins to be written.
Change seems to be a big part of my life really but isn’t that true for everyone? In this the 1st day of the 11th month I truly begin to reflect on my year. I was fortunate to move beyond the health issues I experienced in January mostly unscathed. My daily medications serve as stark reminder each morning though. I was lucky! The universe responded to my calls in late January and a new chapter began that would see me frequently in the Adirondacks until my work would bring me back to the valley in late July. This chapter was a defining moment of my year. One of tremendous personal growth, discovery, happiness, and many special,private memories. But my growth as summer progressed did not come without bad decisions and mistakes on my part as it turns out. I was accelerating much too fast in the spin and blinded by forces that I could not comprehend. Difficult to explain or understand in some ways . Pain is a part of growth at times perhaps but a part that I would rather not experience or inflict on others. A lesson I learned too late this time to halt my impetuous forward momentum.It has cost me in emotional currency. A toll has had to be paid to keep moving in the flow. Looking back it’s almost surreal at times. The universe responds to the frequency we vibrate if you walk the paths of universal vibration and the Law Of Attraction.They are a study of mine. Sometimes we over shoot the runaway when trying to land on our feet. Will I grow from what I have learned? In time, yes!
Looking back at what I can’t change now makes me ask myself: What color is my next chapter? This I can say. Not written with black ink with dark bold letters on ghostly white paper. Cold and haunting in their intent. Black does represent something positive though. Black is the gift of night and shadow. Found in nature everywhere. I will not choose to falsely vibrant and use bright imitation man made colors that don’t resemble anything that looks like me. That is artificial and false for me. I hope to paint my next chapter with earthy browns and natural greens. The blues of sunny skies,water, and beautiful eyes. The grays of cloudy snow laden clouds filled with blinding white snow flakes falling with mesmerizing silence. The reds and oranges of the rising and setting sun. So many more colors live in nature with which to paint. Ones that invite with honest simplicity. Ones that solidify integrity and honest testimony. Truthful confession in the midst of confusion. A colorful path to seek out and follow even when I must limp up it.
What flavor is my next chapter? Bitter or sour? Distasteful and unpalatable? Served cold with a side of cynical? I am certainly not planning on that. I am hoping for the taste of fresh maple syrup on ice cream. Deliciously sweet and making you crave more of my sugar house creations. The taste of freshly picked berries plucked from dew soaked bushes on a summer morning. Raw and satisfying. Frozen to be enjoyed months later on a rainy autumn evening when baked into a pie.Or sweet fresh pressed apple cider from apples right off the tree. Tart and refreshing. A gift from nature. Most definitely maple infused coffee in a favorite steaming cup.Warming my hands as a new day begins. Those are but a few of the many wonderful flavors that enhance my life. How best to have them grace my next chapter?Share them perhaps?
What will my next chapter feel like? Freezing cold and icy with clinging frozen tears of failure that refuse to fall? Or burning hot? Scorching and searing with burning intensity? Burning bridges over raging rivers of doubt and indecision ? Thorny and prickly with hurtful wounding branches? Ripping and tearing at all they touch? No. If I am fortunate it will feel soft like delicate forest moss or the silky seed tufts of dry milkweed about to rise high on an autumn breeze. Or the soft caress of morning sunshine on my face. Maybe the softness of layers of scented pine needles on dry ground. To feel is to know you are still alive. That place where hope is found and your spirit energy resides with quiet resolve waiting to be released for a greater purpose .
What will my next chapter sound like? Raspy and harsh like a dead tree limb rubbing on a rusty metal roof ? Like squeaky hinges on a battered door hanging loosely on a neglected barn? No. I wish for my next chapter to sound like dripping sap drops falling into a bucket on a freshly tapped maple tree on a warming March morning. Like migrating geese high overhead. Strong and purposeful. Connected to nature’s call of survival. Or a buzzing honeybee landing on a clover blossom next to me. Working for the benefit of the hive. All these things and more I desire my next chapter to sound like.
And what will my next chapter smell like? Rotten and decaying like roadkill hit by a speeding driver? Left to be wasted and forgotten? Stale and musty like a moldy book? Tainted and offensive like fruit left in the sun too long?No. I hope my next chapter smells like apple blossoms in an orchard on a crisp spring morning . Like freshly mown hay on a hot summer night tickling my nose with a fragrant bounty. Like sun soaked balsam aroma wafting down onto a secluded mountain trail inviting me to stop for a moment. That’s just a few examples of what I wish my next chapter to smell like.
And you might read this far and think that I am somewhat negative in my direction of thought in this most unusual of posts. No. I am pensive and examining this moment in time. How did I get here? Why did I do certain things? How best to correct my mistakes if possible or at least and never repeat them. Ask those I have hurt for forgiveness and help them understand if that is even possible. How best to balance myself in the flow?How best to coexist with others and be kind. Learning to be a more supportive,better listener. There is no exciting destination here to send you off to with a set of directions. Not this time in this post.There is no map to the future. Just whispers from the inner spirit that needed to be written and shared as a continued testimonial of my life.Sometimes it’s hard to hear in the spin of Taz energy. Or slow it down. There is a connection to nature here. It lives in the five senses we possess and in the hidden one. The 5+1 I so often write about. This post serves to remind me of my many challenges and my personal struggles. And share that I am far from perfect. I am humbled by my own emotions at times. Lost at times to them but always trying to do better. I acknowledge and feel grateful for my many blessings. They are the mortar that holds it all together like the mud of hornet’s nest on the underside of a roof. MOONTABS come in different forms. I offer few answers but ask many questions at times. But today was a special day. A day to connect and attempt to make sense of it all. A beautiful new Adirondack destination to explore. The warmth of a campfire while snowflakes fell at times. A brief sun drenched moment on a rocky escarpment. A walk through open glades of forest where fresh beaver activity next to the pond offered a message. Prepare for winter in their case. Preparing. As in preparing to write the next chapter in my case. So what color is my next chapter? Only time can tell. ✍️