It’s a rather chilly morning here on Black Lake as September 2022 ushers in its final days. This morning’s temperature will seem like a heat wave a couple months from now just ahead of the annual ice up of the entire lake. Autumn is one of nature’s most vivid seasons here in our four season climate. I am a person who loves to reflect deeply about the power and purpose of seasonal change. Autumn is a time for new discovery in the midst of the transformation. Beauty will be found in the smallest places and in the smallest observations. It is the time of the whitetail deer in this region to live out their finest moments of the year. Natural selection at it’s finest by mid November. The lessons of the deer will be waiting to be read by those who wander the forest.Today I doubt that the people who live in the path of hurricane Ian are headed off to school. They are probably not seeing beauty in nature at this moment. I am not there but I feel humbled in the face of nature’s fury. The power of nature is supreme. Those things that we as humans can not control. Leaves that will fall from the trees and lakes that will freeze. Nature is best represented by a circle. No corners or sharp angles. We as humans seem to live in a box at times. That’s a fun place to explore on a different day.
The other morning I had worked on dual subject post that was mostly lost. Exactly how that happened is still under investigation and people are being skeptical about the whole Mr. Jangles conspiracy that I presented. It’s best to sleeping dogs lay as they say. Besides this isn’t a debate page anymore then I have the ability to solve the unexplained. The truth always comes through in the end. Abraham Lincoln once said that no person has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. Smart man! Also noteworthy this quote by Mark Twain:If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything. Enter my research project: the works of Mark Twain. Today is a good day to learn something new.
The first letter of MOONTABS stands for memories. Mine, yours,and everyone’s. Today my own as I try to get the stories of my journey of life told with accurate detail. It’s always bothered me what I can’t remember and how much I was forgetting as time passed. I think a lot people feel like that given conversations I have gotten into over the years. I have some good news for anyone who is getting anxious right now! We aren’t wired to remember everything. Ponder something I read once although I can’t remember when. The average person has some 70,000 random thoughts per day.Hmmm. It’s 8:12 AM and I feel like my count is already passing 40,000. Coffee’s great!At night when we sleep our brain shifts through them and imprints some to our permanent memories. The remaining multitude of information gets flushed down the proverbial drain. It’s much more complicated then that of course and I can’t remember the rest of it. Big tip! I can look up such random information again! To bad I can’t do that with every detail of my personal journey. Why is all this so important to me? That’s a slippery slope to snowboard down. ( I had my hands on my snowboard yesterday!) The importance of certain memories is a future post that I will write once I finish a family genealogy research project. I hope that you are remembering all the posts I have been promising to write for you up to this point. I have forgotten. But a promise is never broken until it is never kept.
If you follow and have read my posts then you are familiar with the house fire of 2012 that my family experienced. One of the worst days of my life. But also a new intersection in my journey that would profoundly shape the future. A day that would ultimately drive me to empty Quill writing pads and stuff the scribbled words into simply titled and stash them away. I would eventually write on Facebook and be led to blogging. This is getting complicated for me and I am the orchestrator of my life’s symphony.Time to hit the slippery slopes and head down towards the Secret.
This trip down the slope is tricky and if I take us over that big jump we will probably wipe out! Best to turn off and take that easier trail through the forest. We will get to the bottom of the slope that way.One word is as solid as a sturdy set of Burton bindings. Journals! Diary’s for some. Handwritten by most people. My ground zero of writing where pensive creativity hadn’t found me yet. My simple journals spanned decades of my life.It’s a story best told in greater detail. Not today though. Another story and yet another promise I know. Don’t worry I am writing them down on paper now. Maybe you should as well just in case I lose my list. Lists for me are still handwritten on paper even though I could go digital. As are all my rhyming story poems. That story must also wait. Consider it more tangible to me. I feel telling a story properly takes time and involves an intense retrieval process. The memories are all there. I just need to unearth all the myriad of small details. Then place them upon this page.Do you remember what Mr. Jangles said? And you thought being me was simple! Silly you!
Enter one part of the secret:Writing things down with a ballpoint pen on paper helps me remember them better. That’s always been an important component to me when writing journals and to hold an old one in my hands is priceless. Mine were mostly written in simple school three subject notebooks that were never the same size or containing the same number of pages. They would get bent and wrinkled by abuse. The quality of what lies inside something or someone can’t be judged by a cover. Some of my best rhyming stories started out on cardboard boxes. Written with a black Sharpe. When inspiration surfaces it’s got to be recorded quickly or the moment can be lost. If you’ve ever read the story behind the origins of the poem Kubla Khan by Samuel Taylor Coleridge then that might sense. He was interrupted while creating it and the inspiration was suddenly lost. My inspiration comes from a far different source but I identified with something there. That being said it wasn’t the quality of the paper or the ink that was important. It was the words themselves. And in the small details that would live in them. But my tragedy was in the paper itself. There was no backup if the journals were lost. And lost they were. To fire. Don’t be sad! I longer feel that way. I went to the pity party for awhile but didn’t stay too long. I was bored there and it was so dark I couldn’t see. There’s a happy ending to this story that I believe I mentioned once. Things that shaped me show up over and over on these pages. I am going to need a digital tool to handle that redundancy someday.
What’s important right now is to begin to share the secret! The story behind the movie itself! Picture this: me sitting in my plush recliner in my office at the farm. The room was awesome! I had my personal stamp on everything. This my room and I had built it out with a rustic themed concept. It looked like the inside of an ancient barn. Hand hewed corner posts and a wooden ceiling with hemlock support rafters. An oak plank floor put down with antique nails. A decent sized window that looked out over our main meadow behind the house. My father and stepmom had used this very same room for a sitting room. My recliner was in the same place our father’s had been placed. I had an entire wall of bookshelves filled beyond capacity. A gun cabinet full of my guns and those that had belonged to my father. There was a tv as well but that was more for Zane then me. I had given him a place to stamp his personality into my small office. Just below my tv platform he had a child’s desk and chair. There was a section of wall for displaying his artwork and pictures. I wanted him to always feel welcome in my private sanctuary. In evenings he would come in and climb up into the recliner with me while I was reading. I read to him quite often and he had a section of the office for his own books. I also had an antique desk of our father’s that I used for my mail and financial paperwork. There was a large oaken chest and all my photo albums in the room as well. I could write an entire story about the 2008 farm house renovation. I put a lot of myself into that project and even managed to lose my job over it! I just added that story to the promised list.
Back to the recliner now. It’s a rainy Sunday afternoon and there’s no work till tomorrow. The cattle are all in behind the fences and they are feeding across the meadow. That’s a plus! When they get out? Yuck! It’s a private moment of quiet where I am getting ready to begin adding to my current journal. It’s not something I make the time for everyday and that’s why it’s special. Tomorrow I will jumping back into the fray of a Monday. Farming keeps me busy and so does work. There’s a bigger plan in the farming. A stash of “Mad Money”. Never entered into the family’s financial needs unless it’s an emergency. It’s my traveling money. Bush trips mostly but something much more adventurous is brewing. Alaska someday. I will need to cull the herd for that one I think to myself. The mixed breed herd is about 20 strong now and growing. They all have names that are as wacky as can be! I see Crazy Face and Gladiator. Snow Ball and Little Herf. South Dev and all the ones that I can’t remember now. The rain intensifies and I don’t feel the need to be outside. This is perfect. I could watch a movie on tv I thought. No I would rather write today. But before I start I think I will revisit an old journal in the stack. There’s a movie waiting right there for me. I already know how it ends but that’s ok. I can’t remember everything that happened and I haven’t seen it in awhile.
I open the journal and immediately smell the old dried ink left on the paper. There’s a starting date and an opening line. And the movie begins. It’s a strange thing I think. My eyes reading and my memories that flood in as the movie picks up pace. I am the main character but there’s almost always others. Although my writing sometimes dove to hidden levels of privacy where no other characters appeared. I kept my journals locked up and no one was allowed to read them. So what’s the big deal or the big secret of the movie? It’s in those small flushed details that I didn’t have a prayer of remembering. Reading the words that I had written brings them back immediately. Thus the term The Movie. I expect someone else has written about this but I have never researched it . (new addition to research project list). I read on and the forgotten details now are refreshed. Weather events. Work. Plans. Dreams. Hope. All there in the movie! Then the epiphanies. Oh wow! How could I have ever forgotten that funny moment or that awesome day? It’s a past me that I can examine with no chance of time buffering over the details. It’s all here. My real life as it was lived. I stop reading for a moment and pause the movie. Where am I now I ponder? Have I stayed on track? Then the echoes of the what “ifs”. What if I had listened to my inner voice? What if I had only known that? What if I had known this was coming and could have planned better? It’s not a place of regret. Nor longing for days gone past. I was much to down to earth to worry about that sort of thing or the rattling chains of ghosts from the past. They were harmless in my sense of now. My focus was on the future. I was strong and capable. Feet grounded on the acres of the farm and connected to nature. What was I learning while filming the movie?Was I the best possible me?What else? That was too heavy for a relaxing Sunday afternoon I would think. I could always revisit that subject on the way to work tomorrow if I got bored driving. I read on and the movie begins again. I would get lost in the moment.
Eventually I’d reach a point where I would stop reading and jump into writing in my current journal . Or maybe I would go outside and tackle some farm task. Any thoughts of writing books never occurred to me in those busy days of endless push. Dreams of retirement kept me dialed in and focused. Fast forward. The fire and post fire days. Many things were destined to happen and they did. But like any of us I pressed forward.Life got better and we were figuring things out. The Alaska trip happened. There were many days of mundane routine in that race to the future.But I was pretty good at getting time off from work when I needed it to reboot. Enter the first thoughts of the importance of leaving a written family legacy. Not just my story but my family’s story. I resumed some journal writing but in a different capacity. Bigger things were waiting for me and I had no clue. The words were building up far below my surface far beyond any small surge I had ever experienced. They were like a natural defense that would someday protect me in my push forward. Call it my spirit energy immune system. That’s heavy!😂
So that’s my secret in this my very personal continuing introduction. Why so personal? The Intersection series. That story needs to wait a bit as I piece it together.It’s connected to events and time with a two year set of details. It’s a tricky write honestly.My secret will sound familiar to some people. It may sound similar to something else you’ve read. Maybe it makes no sense at all. The happy ending? Not all my journals were lost. A few survived. And if I told you that 10 times alright then you know that’s it important to me. The rest is a little more complicated. That which I once wrote on paper is going to be easier to retrieve. Albeit it’s going to take time. Those words may be waiting on the other end of the line when I hear those custom ringtones I mentioned awhile ago. That’s pretty heavy too.I have helped build out many construction projects over the years. This is far different. MOONTABS will be by far my largest ever personal endeavor and it had to start with a foundation. My journey of survival is the foundation. Nature has taught me many things but most of all survival. Not of the fittest but as a part of a bigger whole.I hope to build something that others will enjoy as much as I enjoy building it.It’s not just mine to build or occupy. It’s going to take the cast of characters all learning skills and gaining insight.Building as we go. There’s a bigger place of understanding here that I don’t always recognize myself. So I don’t have all the answers yet. The search is very real as is the surge. The fictional forests of Tasmania symbolize my connection to nature in ways my imagination and curiosity can’t even begin to fathom. Each tree a story. The big and the small. The living and the dead. All things are connected by energy I feel. One more thing! Mr. Jangles is very real! He lives in Western Quebec! Or have you forgotten already?✍️